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Health and Wellness

13 Reasons Bicycles Are Perfect for the Zombie Apocalypse

By: Barb Chamberlain
October 29, 2016

Photo courtesy Mikey Wally | CC by 2.0
Photo courtesy Mikey Wally | CC by 2.0

Special thanks to Barb Chamberlain, chief strategic officer of Cascade Bicycle Club and Washington Bikes, for permitting us to repost this blog—originally published on the Washington Bikes blog on Oct. 25, 2014. (It has been published here in an edited format.) 

Just in time for Halloween, your list of 13 reasons bicycles make the perfect vehicle for the zombie apocalypse.

"Walking Dead" character known as Bicycle Girl because Rick Grimes grabs a bike for his getaway from her. | Illustration by Tom Carlton | | Terms
“Walking Dead” character known as Bicycle Girl because Rick Grimes grabs a bike for his getaway from her. | Illustration by Tom Carlton | | Terms

1. In every disaster movie ever made, everyone fleeing the city in a vehicle ends up in a huge, hopeless traffic jam, AKA zombie smorgasbord.

2. Bikes let you dodge around not only that big traffic jam but all the other debris left by the looters.

3. By the time you realize things are getting serious, your neighbors have taken all the gas and diesel, and you can’t refill your car’s tank.

4. Zombies are drawn to noise, and bicycles make for much quieter travel than the internal combustion engine. (Sorry, electric vehicle owners, but the grid is going to let you down about the same time people realize the petroleum fuel distribution system isn’t ever going to work again either.)

5. Bikes will retain their value as an item of barter in the post-apocalyptic economy.

6. You can carry more on a bike than you can if you’re walking/running.

7. Bicycles are the most calorie-efficient form of transportation. When you’re scavenging for food and eating cold canned beans, every calorie you find has to go a long way.

RELATED: 10 Great Biking Moments in Movies

8. See them coming! No constraints on your field of vision caused by the vehicle’s body.

9. When you need to stop for the night, you can climb a tree and pull the bicycle up with you or bring it into the building you’re barricading yourself into. Either way, you have a vehicle you can hide from passing zombies.

Photo courtesy Lindsey Turner | CC by 2.0
Photo courtesy Lindsey Turner | CC by 2.0

10. You’re not limited to roads for your travel; you have a wider range of escape routes from which to choose.

11. Mechanically a bike is pretty straightforward, and you can learn to repair it yourself and keep it running.

12. If your plan is to hunker down and shelter in place for a while and you own lots of bikes, bike frames make good bars for the windows.

13. In a really tight spot, you can keep the bicycle between yourself and the zombie as a barricade. Use it to push your attacker away and buy time while you draw your sword.

With all this in mind, maybe your next bike purchase should be one with the attributes you’ll need for a quick getaway:

Meanwhile, costumed bike rides let you add one more factor to consider: What if it’s true that you never really forget how to ride a bike and the zombies come after you on two wheels?

Barb Chamberlain
Barb Chamberlain

Barb Chamberlain serves as chief strategic officer for Cascade Bicycle Club and Washington Bikes.

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Asian Family On Bicycle Ride In Countryside Wearing Helmet Having Fun